Friend and her partner wanting to have a baby..

I don't think people have any business intentionally having a baby without being married (I know, sometimes "surprises" happen but PLANNING a child without being married is WRONG!) Call me old-fashioned, but I would ask when the wedding is. Just an archaic opinion from me!

I see nothing wrong with them having a baby as far as one partner being older than the other but I do think she would be wise to wait until they are married unless she feels ready to commit to a child for the next 18 years should he all of a sudden decide they are not compatible. Anyone who has a baby has to be ready to be commited for the next 18 years regadless of their maritial status.

Hi Greenberry,
What you said is true,but they have been together for awhile and do love each other..If two people love each other and are willing to make such a choice and work at it I guess it would be ok..Marriage may come at a later time for them..

Hi Mlgable,
That is what I told her regarding him being older..She is a mature,hard working woman with a strong head between her shoulders..He is a mature,devoted,hard working man that is crazy about her..

For some people, differences in age do not matter at all. I know a number of couples where the man is much older, they have had a child (or children), and have done very well for many, many years. If everyone involved is committed to having the baby and happy about that, go for it!

That said . . . the one practical matter that could use a hard rational look is projecting income over the next 25 years to plan college, etc., particularly if the man is the main breadwinner and would be facing retirement during that time.

Best wishes!

Sorry, but if they were really "committed" to having a baby, they would make a real commitment before they did it. Too many people rationalize "well, WE'RE in LOVE, so the baby will be happy no matter what else happens..." Children do best in FAMILIES with a father and mother who are married to each other. Of course, your friend is free to do whatever she pleases, but it will be all HER FAULT if her child suffers because of it, and chances are there will be problems in the future. This is not very popular advice these days, but if this man is good enough to have a child with, why is he not good enough to marry (and vice versa pertaining to the woman)? Why wouldn't someone want to give their child an intact family? Also, might I point out that 52% of single mothers live below the poverty line. Sounds to me like your friend just may be setting herself and her child up for disaster, but I guess that's her right...

I have to strongly agree with Greenberry. How old is your friend? Single parenting is no fun! I had my daughter at 15. Single mommy is a very hard job. Of course we all think our man is gonna be there but in all reality WAKE UP!! Not everyone stays together. Why are they in a hurry to have a baby but marriage is not open for discussion?? It just doesn't make alot of sense to me. The age difference depending on how mature they both are should not be a problem and I see nothing wrong with that, but just having a child just because you feel like it is not a good idea. A child is not a problem that you can just find a solution for and discard it. For anyone that has children knows that! I suggest you find a chat room or a message board with single mothers posting or chatting and have her listen in or email the notes to her! You are her friend and I am sure do not want to hurt her feelings but in the long run she will appreciate you for being straight forward!! Sorry for rambling, having had my daughter so young... I just get upset at people that just want to have a child just because they want one! My best friend done that as well and I got onto her and talked until I was blue in the face... she did not listen and now has a 2 yr old which she is no longer with her father and now she wishes she would have listened!!
God Bless!!!

I have to agree 100% with Snoops and Greenberry.

I don't know Greenberry. I see where you're coming from but I don't think I agree with it. The real issue here is trust. Does she trust that this man will always be there for her and their child. If she does, then his marrying her shouldn't matter cause she already knows he won't leave. I think it just comes down to the parents and what kind of people are they. Marriage doesn't guarantee anything. A man can agree to marry a woman, they have a child, and then a few years later, he dumps her, they get divorced, and she's chasing after him for child support payments. The big myth is that having parents who are married makes you a real family. There are plenty of families out there where the parents are married but it's a complete mess. Likewise, there are families where the parents are unmarried and the kids are fine. Just look at Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn or Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins. These are unmarried couples but stayed together and their kids don't appear to have suffered for it. I think people use marriage as some kind of safety net so the person has to prove he won't leave. But we all know it doesn't really prove anything. Personally, I would never have a child with someone without marrying them first. But I wouldn't do it just to prove I'm not leaving. If they were willing to have a child with me, then that means they already trust I'm not leaving. True commitment is in the mind, not on a marriage certificate.