What is considered cheating???

To me cheating is simply this. A person being involved in an emotional or sexual relationship other than their spouse or SO. By emotional I dont mean the friendship or family kind of emotional. A person can cheat on a partner by falling love with someone else and not having sex with that new person.
I already stated that porn and strip clubs are ok.
Now for internet play if by that you mean cyber sex then yes that would even fall into cheating. That is involving another person in a form of sex play. Granted it is a person behind a computer screen but it is still a person one is interacting with for sexual fun.
I am female,28 and been married almost 8 years.

Generally I do see that men and women cheat for different reasons. In most cases men cheat because it is there. Now I siad most cases it isnt true for all that cheat. Women generally cheat because something is missing from their current relationship and the new person is offering that missing things. I said generally yet again that isnt always true.

I agree with each and every thing that Blastoff9600 said.

I am a 38 year old woman.

Cheating is letting the other person "know" you are cheating on them.As long as I don't know you are cheating on me then you are not cheating on me so keep it hid well and everything will workout swell! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/love1.gif

I also agree that Blastoff9600 hit the nail right on the head.

I'm 26 and a newlywed.

Dsheldon3, you cannot possibly mean that ignorance is bliss! If that is your mentality, then you are putting yourself down. Cheating isn't cheating if you only know about it. You are basically saying that it's ok for your partner to be with any number of other people and as long as you aren't aware of it, then all is swell. What about STDs? What about disrespect? What about your self-worth? Just think about it...

As far as I'm concerned, cheating can be both emotional and physical. As far as porn and strip clubs go, they're ok as long as it's an occasional thing. If my boyfriend's friends are throwing a stag for someone and it involves going to a strip club, I'm not going to go bullistic and tell him that he can't go. Plus, strippers don't make me feel insecure about myself or our relationship because I know what he values and it's me, not some trashy, dirty stripper. Porns are also ok as long as again, it's something that we watch once in a blue moon... doesn't bother me, in fact it's fun because we learn new tricks that way... most of the time we just end up making fun of the people in the movies...

I think cheating consists of turning away from one's spouse for sexual and/or emotional fulfillment, as mentioned above.

I have to disagree about the above reasons why men and women cheat, however. Opportunities to cheat are frequent, and most people have at least some small aspect of their lives/personalities that are not fully met by marriage. The reasons for cheating posted above are RATIONALIZATIONS. People cheat because they are self-centered and/or morally weak. Cheaters are looking for the next thrill for themselves, and don't care if they have to destroy their family and the lives of others to get what they want.

I am a 31 year old woman and have been married for 8 years.

I think that women cheat because of some void in their current relationship. I think that women crave the emotional connection more than the physical side of it. I believe that it is the opposite for men. In my opinion men crave the physical stuff first.
I don't consider porn, strip clubs etc. cheating, but I do find it a bit disrespectful.
I am a 25 year old female, married 4 1/2 years.

I'd have to agree with Greenberry. I think if you're looking for sexual/emotional fulfillment from someone other than your spouse, then it's cheating. But that raises other issues. For instance, if you masturbate, that means you're getting fulfillment from someone other than your spouse, in this case, you. Does that count as cheating? If you fantasize about having sex with someone else, does that qualify as cheating? Obviously some people have stricter definitions of what constitutes cheating and I won't bother discussing issues like masturbation since it's already been brought up in another thread.

As for why people cheat, I don't think you can generalize about each gender. I'm sure there are women who cheat just because they crave something purely physical. Likewise, I'm sure there are men who cheat cause of something emotionally lacking in their current relationships. People cheat for all sorts of reasons. They crave something physical, emotional, they may do it just because it's dangerous, they may do it in retaliation for being cheated on, or because they know they can get away with it. In the end, it comes down to being morally weak and selfish. These people don't respect or love their partners enough to exercise some self-control. They obviously don't care about their spouses or children getting hurt by it. I also think that cheaters feel less guilt cause they see how common cheating is these days.

I'm male, 27, not married, not married, and not married. Just wanna make that clear in case someone blasts me for being ambiguous.

I'm 23, not married, in a relationship.

Cheating is any kind of intimacy that I or my boyfriend would not feel comfortable telling each other about.

I have no problem with strip clubs or porn, that has nothing to do with how, my boyfriend feels about me, nor is it a substitute for me.

It definately can by limited to just emotional intimacy. I was in a relationship once, where my boyfriend did cheat on me, physically more than one, and then once, emotionally. As screwed of a relationship as it obviously was, the one that hurt me the most was the time he was emotionally close with another woman. Of course, to him, it was okay (needless to say, his values contradict mine, which is why we are no longer together), he couldn't understand why it was that I was upset, since he 'wasn't DOING anything.'

I conduct myself in a way, that I don't behave in any way, or accept behavior from other, that would make me uneasy or uncomfortable with telling my boyfriend, and he does the same.

Everyones answer is very interesting to me.

In my opinion, there are many forms of cheating.
1-Physcial-of course when someone shares intimacy with someone other than your partner. Sex, kissing, etc.

2-Emotional-to be mentally attached to someone you would LIKE to be physically cheating with.

I believe that in the long run, emotional cheating can be far more damaging than physical cheating and will probably be much harder to repair the damage if the couple chooses to after the affair. Unless of course the physical cheating comes from an emotional attachment. Then we got huge problems.

As for porn...well to me it would depend on how it was used whether or not it would be acceptable. If a couple uses porn together for entertainment, ideas, or foreplay it can be quite acceptable. On the other hand, if a person m/f secretly views it for self satisfaction without the other partner or instead of being with their partner, then I don't think that is cool. Especially if it happens a lot.

Strip clubs-NO NO NO!!! NOT acceptable and I believe it is cheating. Maybe in another situation, other than my marriage, I might not have as big as a problem with it if the communication was open and honest and their was a lot of trust between the couple. But I can't really say for sure because in my marriage...that is NOT the case so my opinion is bias on this one.

Internet play-YES...cheating if your getting some sexual or emotional fulfillment from the internet friend. This is one that I have been guilty of doing. It is wrong and does nothing good for a relationship and I don't know how people can think it is not a problem, it can be as bad as actually sleeping with someone else.

Masturbation, I don't usually think of as cheating. As long as your not doing it to the extent where you are excluding your partner as your primary sexual fulfillment. If a couple are not together and you really feel the need, then go for it, it is better than doing it with someone else. Would it be nice if you could find someone that had enough control to wait for you...YES, but in reality, I don't think many are capeable of this.

On the other hand a person who sits and watches the neighbor cut the grass, or a porn site while they masturbate isn't someone I would want to spend the rest of my life with either.

I am female, 31, married for 2.5 years.

In "most" cases I have seen where a partner cheats, it seems to be different for male and females.
The couple women I know who done it, done it because they were feeling like they were not appreciated or respected at home and the man they had the affair with showed them lots of attention and doubted on them. It was more about filling emotional needs. The women usually carried out a long emotional attachment to the man before they ever had sex with them.

"Most" of the men I know who have had affairs, done it with someone they just happen to have the opportunity with at the time. It was purely sexual and no emotions attached. At the same time, a couple male friends of mine told me they were not getting it at home, so I suppose that is emotional to some extent as well.

So basically I think most who cheat are simply feeling they are not having "all" their needs met at home. To be fair to men though, I think not getting sex at home can be very emotional for them as well. So I guess, it's all the same in some strange way, just both sexes will follow out the affair in different ways.


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Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Cheating is when your making love with your man and he blurts out his exgirlfriends name when you are in the middle of an orgasm . http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/mad.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/mad.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/mad.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/mad.gif

I think that porn, strip clubs etc are alright in moderation. If one of the partners is using porn as an outlet and neglecting the other partner, than, while not "cheating" it is as bad as. I agree that it is possible to cheat physically and emotionally. Personally I can't imagine ever cheating physically but have actually felt as though I were cheating emotionally in my current relationship. And it wasn't so much that I formed a deep emotional bond with someone other than my mate as that I wanted to because of feeling alienated from him. I am female, (going to be soon) 30 and living with my fiance. We've been together for almost 4 years.

I think that the definition of cheating is whatever you and your partner agree on as cheating.

The following sarcasm is brought to you by Greenberry-defender of morals and common decency--

Oh Oasis, you're just so sensitive! Don't you know that strip clubs are all in good fun, and men ARE men after all... You should just get over it and relish the fact that your husband is enjoying himself. Besides, if you expect him not to go, he'll just get bitter and mean and hate your guts. That happens in a lot of marriages. End of SARCASM---

In reality, I fully agree with you. Thank God my husband has never been to a strip club at least in the last 10 years. I think I would feel the exact same way as you do if he did. Good luck to you in whatever path you pursue!

What Blastoff said. 24, long term relationship (six years), not married. Porn, strip clubs ok, cyber sex is out. I posted this in another thread, but I think what a lot of people need to realize is the logical fallacy being perpetuated here. Look, there are some people that are terrible. These people may look at porn, may even have problems with porn, but that doens't mean that porn is the cause. Or strip clubs, or whatever. Lots of people look at porn and enjoy a fufilling sex life because of it. Saying that the *reason* your husband called you a fat b**** is *because* he went to a strip club is incredibly illogical and somewhat silly.

All Rottweilers are dogs.
The people next door have a dog.
Their dog is a Rottweiler.

Or, even better: There was no rain for a while. We shot a cannon at the sky. Then it rained. The cannon shot at the sky *caused* it to rain.

[This message has been edited by Phaycops (edited 10-13-2002).]

I cant believe that any woman would actually like the fact that her husband is eyeballing another woman with her touching him and enjoying himself, to me it is completely unacceptable and demoralizing. I can't even stand it that my fiance has even 'looked' at porn or HBO. It is just totally hurtful and it gets me so mad......

i have a total different opinion on the porn and strip club issue. i feel that is also a form of cheating. whoever is going to the strip clubs or looking at the porn is obviously doing it for a reason. if a man or a woman thats in a relationship/married looks elsewhere or goes elsewhere for sexual, emotional, physical or any other type of stimulation, i feel that is all part of cheating. if you are being fulfilled athome, what would be the need to look elsewhere for anything? thats just my feelings on it anyway, i'm sure many will disagree with me. i'm a 26 year old female.

Hey, Oasis, chill out, girl. I don't appreciate your acting like I'm some kind of amoral **** because I don't care if my BOYFRIEND, not HUSBAND, and important distinction because I don't believe in marraige, looks at porn.

I believe that strip clubs,porn,masturbation,etc is wrong. The Bible says that if a man even looks at another woman lustfully that he has comitted adultery in his heart. If you don't agree you can talk to Jesus about it cus He's the One that said it.