Forgetfulness and other personality changes when interacting with some people

I guess for me it was when i decided to stop living in fear, the fear of being hurt by someone that I allowed to get close either physically or emotionally. Keep her at arms length, justify the heck out of it and if she got too close, get cold and back away. I called it preservation from hurt. When I stopped "assuming" where their conversations were going, what they were thinking and when I stopped projecting outcomes before anything even started was when everything changed. I listened rather then analyzed. I actually started having eye contact rather then looking at peoples necks to avoid what I "thought" they were thinking. If they liked me, that was great, if not, that was their loss. Best answer I have is I had to learn to REALLY like me for who I am before anyone else could. Hope that helps a bit.

Hrm. For me, a lot of my past "uncharacteristic behaviour" around the opposite gender was due either to a)low self-image (I was 40 pounds heavier and did NOT feel attractive), or b)insecurity brought on by the intimidation factor of his good looks! ;)

It was easier for me to be myself when I met my BF, b/c *he* was himself around me, and we sort of decided early on that we would just be who we are, and see if our paths converged. Luckily, they did, and we are very happy together today!

I agree, though, that self-image is a very important component in this. It's also important that you feel secure enough around that *other* person, to be able to know you'll be accepted for who you are if you don't put up a "front.

If you say you are not "being yourself" around these guys, what type of person are you coming across as. For me, when I first started college, I was soo intimidated by the good looking guys for some reason, happily to say, I got over that by my 4rth year... :) Anyhow, I would freeze up and not know what to say... are you nervous in general or are you actually portraying yourself as a different type of person? Hope that made sense.

Thanks for starting a new thread. You're going to have to change your name to betterthanever pretty soon!

It is so hard to "just be myself", like you say. There are days when I'm crampy and bloated and the last person in the world I want to be is me. That's when I put on my best Oscar-winning performance of "Me, upgrade 7.3" -- that person I would like to be, who is not too different, but just a little bit more polished, friendly, patient, kind, etc. Would it be helpful to have a consistent, realistic image of how you would like to project yourself to everyone? Or if that seems weird, imagine how cupid would see your situation from the corner of the room and how he might improve your odds of holding their attention. Small things like standing tall, facing the person with your whole body, and keeping eye contact.

Do you have an arsenal of rehearsed compliments that you can throw out at others? Little things like, "I like that shirt," or "Who cuts your hair? It looks nice," or "That color looks great on you." Try a few on everyone (men, women, children, dogs being walked by good-looking owners, etc.) They'll be distracted thinking about themsevles and will forget that you lost yourself in the conversation.

God bless and good luck --

Marj

Thanks for replying everyone.

The changes I am trying to say when I interact with these guys are sort of like distant personality (although in reality I do want to get closer to them). In the past, I have had bad associations with guys I was attracted to so I suppose in this situation, my psyche is still stuck in the "I don't need you" mode. I just can't help it. It's like playing hard to get. I am not the looking-at-the-ground-can't-face-you-girl, in fact, my friends have told me that I strike them as someone who acts with class, whatever that means. And oftentimes, I'd tell myself "okay I have to be nicer, more friendly, say nice things" but when the opportunity comes, I just freeze and act like my old self again (cold, distant, uninterested).

Promisez, I know fear can prove to be destructing....I am mostly afraid of what's to come so in my case I tend to push people away by being distant in the first place.

MsLoquacious, yes, I agree about the matter of confidence. I think in a way, I feel a bit inferior so I project myself as someone they can't touch....I don't know.

Sherrie, with the above comments, I guess you can deduce that I am coming across as someone whom people are intimidated.

Marj, I know about the PMS issue, somehow my personality changes flares up on this occasion. Pretty weird. Betterthanever sounds good to me.

The real me is a friendly, giving, down to earth, I just can't make myself comfortable around some people esp those that I like....I feel more inhibited with them and I tend to misrepresent myself because as I have mentioned I am afraid of the possibilites, possibilities of me liking them more and them hating me, or things not working out. I have been in many unpleasant situations before so I think my personality changes with these people is becoming my scapegoat. I have to say that inhibited life is making me crazy.

Bye for now.

Hi backtomyoldself,

I can't believe I didn't think of this before. Check out your local colleges and find a course on public speaking. I use lots of the "tricks" I learned every time I meet someone. The one day seminars (like Dale Carnegie) give you the basics, but I think you would really benefit from a longer course where your instructor and your classmates critique your performance. You'll get some invaluable feedback as well as tips on being an effective communicator at all levels. Not to mention you get to interact with a whole new group of people that have no preconceived opinion of you. I have never met anyone who's self image wasn't improved by the experience. Lots of colleges offer these types of "self improvement" courses over the summer for not a lot of money. Go for the one that meets several times. Cheaper than therapy and potentially more fun.

I believe a lot of us see ourselves completey different than the way others see us.
I also think, if you have messages going through your head while talking with someone (that you are attracted to, or intimidated by) and the messages are like
( He must think I'm a moron, I must look so silly, he thinks Im ugly, OG what am I saying, etc ), that's going to come out looking like you are unconfindent with yourself.
How do you turn that off when facing someone.... I try concentrating on what he is saying, remind yourself every second to concentrate on the subject being talked about ( pretend he's madly in love with someone else, or that he's a girl, whatever it takes to fool yourself a bit, so you can concentrate ), you may just find yourself enjoying the conversation.
Remember to smile, keep your head high, shoulders back, and be a little flirty.
Believe me, you are Not the only one that feels that way.
Practice makes you more confident.

Pootsi-:)

You have your survival instinct ... hurt them before they hurt me... working in overtime... and you are coming to a point were this survival instinct is paradoxically, no longer making you feel so "alive", instead it's draining you physically, emotionally, and spiritually, right?
When this happens, most people in the same situation as you, if they are "survivors", will eventually change gears and head in another direction... due to that same survival instinct that got them there in the first place... since what had worked for them in the past to keep them going and "surviving" is now no longer working... It's a part of human nature. They-out of necessity- create new approaches to the same situation.. instead of going in thinking "hurt them before they hurt me", they try approaching the situation with a different motto... such as "love and you will be loved" even if it means enduring getting hurt along the way becuase they eventually realize for themselves the hurt they experience this way is far less severe and painful then the hurt they were experiencing when they were being distant and cold.... When they find this approach to work, they stick with it.. and all is better. I think you will find your own way out of this... Good Luck. I hope this makes sense to you.