I know this may sound crazy but one of my friends is going thru a divorce. I know people hide things well sometimes but I never had any doubts that it was a good marriage and I don't think she saw this coming. I really don't know any details about it yet because she has been out from work all week and she's not ready to talk about it. All I know is her and her two kids have moved out. My question is how do I help her and be a good friend without poking and prying into things she doesn't want to talk about? I feel so helpless not knowing what is going on but I'm trying to give her space right now. But when she gets back to work I'm not sure how to act around her, I know she wont be in a very joking mood but I don't want to not speak to her at all. I want to give her space to talk if she wants or not if she doesn't but I want her to know I'm there for her to. I'm just so upset about this whole thing that I'm making myself sick. It just breaks my heart to know she is hurting and I can't help her.
miss_prolixity
02-11-2004, 06:04 PM
You sound like such a caring and sympathetic friend. It is really a blessing to have people like you in the world.
I really don't know about her situation too well. But they say divorce and death are two of the hardest experiences in life to go through. I am sure she is in agonizing pain. One thing is, as you mentioned, just let her know you care and if she wants to talk about it, you'll be there.
Teresa882003
02-12-2004, 11:46 AM
I would just try to be there if she needs you, don't try to ask any questions. Just let her know you are there, tell her, phone her, send her a card. Maybe recommend she go to counseling, if this is a hard thing for her to accept. The united way has counselors that doesn't cost much and this in a trained third party that will give her the objectivness she will need. I know first hand, and this helped me a great deal. You will have to see how she is doing to know how to act around her, it may be best to act as if nothing is wrong while working, it will just depend on her state! Goodluck and good job on being a good friend.
promisez
02-12-2004, 01:46 PM
When my son died all I needed was someone to call and simply say "I'm there if you want to talk". What I got from "friends" was silence because they weren't sure what to say. One did say she knew how I felt because her dog died the week before. (We didn't talk for years after that act of "kindness". The best thing anyone can give is letting the other person know you don't need to say anything, but you are willing to hear everything they need to say.
cloverberry
02-12-2004, 02:51 PM
I went through a divorce many years ago and I was devastated. I just needed someone to listen to me. My friend was there for me and she didn't give me advice or try to tell me how right I was or how wrong he was. Maybe I would have liked to hear it at the time but I'm just glad I could vent on someone and nothing was said.
supertrooper
02-12-2004, 03:34 PM
Pick up a nice card that is blank inside and write some of the stuff that you said in your first post. Tell her you know she's hurting and you don't know what to say to make her feel any better. Let her know she can talk to you and just vent. You aren't prying and just want to offer your support. If she wants to talk about it, fine. If she wants to talk about the dog or the weather or how the coffee really sucks today, you are there for her.
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