How fast is too fast?

I have a question
when you are starting a new relationship, going slow is good. I have read through alot of these posts and alot of relationships end because they went too fast...what is exactly too fast? a few months before getting serious? a year? How soon is too soon?

I would wait for about two months of intensive dating before I slept with the person. Maybe some of you out there would wait longer. Everything looks on the up-and-up in the beginning. They want you to think they are sweet, understanding, etc. Mostly, they are trying to get down your pants, so it's an act. You need to wait and be sure that there are no issues from their last relationship...either with them, or the ex still calling. You need to spend a lot of time with them...having fun of course, but asking questions, getting an idea what kind of family they came from, or if you could get along with such a family, or if he has the same value system as you...before you take it to a physical level, where it's easy to get attached and hurt more easily. I have not always followed my own advice... but the times that I waited it out and really scrutinized, saved me much grief.

jenna

I think there's no hard and fast rule on this one; every relationship is different, and I've known successful marriages that jumped from meeting to dating to marriage in a matter of months!

I think the more important factors to consider are: mutual interest in long-term commitment, personal/family histories (and are both of you aware of these?), and just a general "do you both know each other enough to begin relating on a physical level?"

My SO and I met online so we had 6 months to "talk" before we even met; our physical relationship didn't begin until we already knew a LOT about each other, and that actually reduced the amount of "in real life" time required before we became intimate.
*shrug*

Do what feels right and comfortable and sensible for you. I don't know that any of us can really dictate the length of time, for you. Good luck! :)

Personally, I think people should date exclusively for at least six months before hopping in bed or moving in together. That's usually how long it takes for both people to let their guard down and be themselves aroung each other. By then I think most people know if the other is probably the ONE.

I've noticed on the boards that people who move in together after only a couple of months often find out something about their SO they can't live with, but going back out on their own is such a pain they stay around. The next thing you know she's pregnant and now they have ties that are hard to break.

Well I am one of those moved real fast with my relationship...lol Dh and I first had sex barely two weeks after meeting. We kissed the third night we knew each other and from that moment on I knew he was the one I would be with. Though at the time I denied it to myself because I was scared of being hurt. Six months later we were married and we will be celebrate 9 yrs this March. I do have to add we didnt live together during that time except for the occassional weekend.
My best friend married her husband barely two months after they met. I know this because I was the one that arranged their blind date. They beat us to the alter and we like to tease each other about that so they have already celebrated their 9th annivesary.
It is really something that is an individual thing for the couple involved and one has to go with what feels right for you.

I agree that ever relationship is different. The first night I met my husband I just knew that he was the one that I would marry. We did not sleep together until we were together for a couple of months and then at around 4 months he moved in with me, and then at 6 months we got engaged, after 1 year we bought a house together and then after a year and half we got married and have been VERY happily married now for almost a year and are trying to have a baby together. Things moved fast for us, but the key is that is FELT RIGHT for the both of us. We are very happy and have a very honest and trusting relationship. We are not only married but we are best friends. So my advice is to just trust your heart. There is no rule saying what is fast and what is slow, it is all in what feels right for the two of you.

Take Care!!

:wave: