Need to Vent anyone else have this problem?

turn the ringer off on the phone so your husband can sleep. I don't think you can say anything without hurting her feelings. Just tell her but try not to get angry and start yelling at her. Just calmly tell her the problems you're having. Sounds like she doesn't have many friends and you're there so if you don't tell her the problems she'll keep bothering you.

Is there anything you really dislike about her besides the clingy "smothering" thing? If you can stand her for a couple of hours a month, is there any way you can tell her that you are very limited in your time and while you would love to see her for coffee or whatever maybe the first weekend of every month, you can't be calling her every day -- and then add that you would greatly appreciate it if she could restrict her phone calls to you to certain pre-approved times (ex. only between 6pm-8pm weeknights or something like that). She might have no idea that she is bothering you.

Thanks for the replys.

Cloverberry, we do cut the ringers off on the phones but the answering machine doesn't get totally silent.

Mouse, there is no way I will ever suggest alone time with her, I won't put myself thru that not to mention that will just encourage her. I have been contemplating putting a time on when we except calls. I think/hope she has got the message, she hasn't called since Monday a.m., I haven't answered the phone, I make my husband, after all its his sister! But if it doesn't stop I am definately gonna have to find a nice tactful way to let her know.

Thanks again.

Well she has struck again! I have a sinus infection and washed my hair last night so I thought I would sleep till 7:30 this morning and low and behold that darn phone rang at 7:15 a.m. and woke me up !!! And it was her! AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! She is so driving me NUTS. I came so close to actually answering the phone and telling her off!!! And on the machine her message was she was going to her Mom's (across the street from us) on Friday and will drop off some money for me to buy Maternity clothes, which I told her like 2 weeks ago no thank you too. I have a Full time job and do not need her help buying Maternity clothes. So when she told me before I said, "No thank you, there is no need for her to give me money for Maternity clothes, that I had plenty. That she should keep her money". She doesn't work except for cleaning a couple houses. She just doesn't know how close she came to being told off this morning! Plus I don't have to work Friday and don't want her ringing my door bell at 7 in the morning!! Just thought I would get that off my chest!

Ok..I'm going to "try" to suggest something. But first how bad can your sister in law be? She sounds very lonely and wants to be your friend. Doesn't sound like she has any sisters?? Maybe your the sister she has always wanted? Maybe she looks up to you and admire you for working while she is home with three kids?? Maybe she wants your life? How is her relationship with her husband? I'm a morning person and since I have been laid off I'm still up at 6AM to get my son off to school and I can't go back to sleep. Believe it or not I call my future sister in law up at least 3 times a week at 7AM cause she is a stay at home mom so I know she is up and I just want to chit chat she doesn't mind at all because she's up so early and likes talking to an adult while getting her kids up..anyway enough about me..

Here could be one suggestion?? When your sister in law calls you early in the AM and you know it's her (you mentioned you have caller ID) answer the telephone in a nasty way as if it was a tele marking call and tell her
"Oh I'm Sorry I thought it was someone trying to sell me something so early in the morning" then continue to tell her You hate early morning phone calls
cause your not a morning person" and go on about it.ie:how you need your sleep, you work so hard, etc..Make It About YOU then cut her off in a nice way "Oh I really got to go" she should take the hint. don't you think?
My bestfriend of 20 years is not a morning person - like I said I am and I can talk & talk early in the morning...I know from experince not to call her past 10AM and I'm ok with it! We even poke fun at me because of this.

As far as hanging with her? if you don't want to you don't want to but say if you did turn it into You - Let her tag along with YOU and what you want to do, where you want to shop or eat etc...As far as the clothes she bought you
sounds like she is very excited for you so I would take it and say thank you and if it's not to your liking Tell Her! It sounds like she just wants to be friends with you and do nice things? I go shopping with my annoying sister in law once in a great while...WE are so different. I'm a Harley chick she's a ??
wealthy, spoiled, stay at home mother w/a house cleaner thanks to my brother. Our taste in clothes couldn't be different..I tolorate her, speak my mind in a 'nice' way. Oh I should add she (my sister in law) thinks she knows everything, is better then everyone but when she is with me...She doesn't act that way cause she knows I won't put up with it and I'm not like that. Just for kicks and giggles I something like to say gross things just for a reaction - and she still likes me! LOL..I do this because of my brother..
WE have always been very close and I'm not going to lose my brother for his wife just because we are different. So "I" tolorate her.
Hope this makes sense and helps you in anyway. Sorry I made this long.
I'm such a talker...

Thanks for the response GirlHarley.

She doesn't have a sister, just 2 brothers. She has known her oldest brother's wife longer, but for some reason only hounds me. I already have a sister, and we are close. It would be different if I liked her, or had something in common. She has never been close w/ either brother, but I think her and the older brother clash and argued more that she and my husband. Of course my husband was away in the service for like 7 years and I met him when he came home. I try to be nice but its like she get to encouraged by acts of kindness and starts driving me nuts. I am really sorry she doesn't have friends and is lonely but I don't see where thats my problem. I have lots of friends that I am really close with and my own sister.
My husband says she has gotten worse as she has gotten older and since she is married to her current husband. I don't ask about their relationship, no one in the family likes him, he is tolerated and doesn't know he is not liked. My husband can't stand him. Before the Wedding (mine) and shortly after I did put forth an effort but it just started snowballing and really made things worse. We use to have dinner with them and when I did do things (not many) alone with her she would start telling me deeply personal things about her and her husband and their sex life, problems w/ both their ex's, etc. It was way more information than I was comfortable with. Over the last 7 years what has worked best is avoiding her as much as possible, any encouragement of kindness or friendship she blows up and starts calling all the time, etc. She called my house 3 times yesterday, before my husband finally called her back and for the second time told her NOT TO CALL before 8 a.m. I never call her, so you would think she would take the hint but no she just keeps calling, more now since I have become pregnant. I actually had a conversation on the phone with her for over an hour a month ago or so and enjoyed it, then she started calling more and more and more. She calls more than my own Sister does. She even called this morning shortly after 8 a.m. I just don't understand why the need to call all the time now.
I am sure since she is a morning person and gets up early to get her kids off to school and up with the baby that she does have plenty of time to have morning conversations, and I am sure she does want adult conversation, but I have a job to be at and have to get ready for my job and don't have time to talk on the phone for an hour. So she should call others who don't work or work 2nd shift, etc. I am on the phone all day long at work, plus have lots of adult contact w/co workers. The sad thing is I get along with everyone, but she absolutely drives me NUTS. Her own brother (my husband) trys to avoid her calls, and doesn't understand the excessive calls, I feel at times she is stalking me. I know that sounds dumb, but she just calls and calls and calls. I never call her to talk, thats why I don't understand why she calls me SO MUCH. I know alot of this is me, but she drives me nuts. I am a very honest person and have a hard time hideing the fact when I don't care for someone. So thats another reason I try to avoid her at all costs, because the more I am exposed to her the greater the chance of me not being able to hide the fact that I don't like her. I am trying at all costs to not tell her off, but she is really pushing it with the excessive calls and following me around from room to room at family gatherings. She has known her other sister in law (who also doesn't have a sister) longer why doesn't she try to have a relationship with her and leave me alone. Sorry so long, but I am done trying to baby her. I just want her to leave me alone.

Thanks for the response GirlHarley.

She doesn't have a sister, just 2 brothers. She has known her oldest brother's wife longer, but for some reason only hounds me. I already have a sister, and we are close. It would be different if I liked her, or had something in common. She has never been close w/ either brother, but I think her and the older brother clash and argued more that she and my husband. Of course my husband was away in the service for like 7 years and I met him when he came home. I try to be nice but its like she get to encouraged by acts of kindness and starts driving me nuts. I am really sorry she doesn't have friends and is lonely but I don't see where thats my problem. I have lots of friends that I am really close with and my own sister.
My husband says she has gotten worse as she has gotten older and since she is married to her current husband. I don't ask about their relationship, no one in the family likes him, he is tolerated and doesn't know he is not liked. My husband can't stand him. Before the Wedding (mine) and shortly after I did put forth an effort but it just started snowballing and really made things worse. We use to have dinner with them and when I did do things (not many) alone with her she would start telling me deeply personal things about her and her husband and their sex life, problems w/ both their ex's, etc. It was way more information than I was comfortable with. Over the last 7 years what has worked best is avoiding her as much as possible, any encouragement of kindness or friendship she blows up and starts calling all the time, etc. She called my house 3 times yesterday, before my husband finally called her back and for the second time told her NOT TO CALL before 8 a.m. I never call her, so you would think she would take the hint but no she just keeps calling, more now since I have become pregnant. I actually had a conversation on the phone with her for over an hour a month ago or so and enjoyed it, then she started calling more and more and more. She calls more than my own Sister does. She even called this morning shortly after 8 a.m. I just don't understand why the need to call all the time now.
I am sure since she is a morning person and gets up early to get her kids off to school and up with the baby that she does have plenty of time to have morning conversations, and I am sure she does want adult conversation, but I have a job to be at and have to get ready for my job and don't have time to talk on the phone for an hour. So she should call others who don't work or work 2nd shift, etc. I am on the phone all day long at work, plus have lots of adult contact w/co workers. The sad thing is I get along with everyone, but she absolutely drives me NUTS. Her own brother (my husband) trys to avoid her calls, and doesn't understand the excessive calls, I feel at times she is stalking me. I know that sounds dumb, but she just calls and calls and calls. I never call her to talk, thats why I don't understand why she calls me SO MUCH. I know alot of this is me, but she drives me nuts. I am a very honest person and have a hard time hideing the fact when I don't care for someone. So thats another reason I try to avoid her at all costs, because the more I am exposed to her the greater the chance of me not being able to hide the fact that I don't like her. I am trying at all costs to not tell her off, but she is really pushing it with the excessive calls and following me around from room to room at family gatherings. She has known her other sister in law (who also doesn't have a sister) longer why doesn't she try to have a relationship with her and leave me alone. Sorry so long, but I am done trying to baby her. I just want her to leave me alone.

Teresa - You are toooo nice! Oh my god, ok this is going on long enough for you then from reading your last post...Sounds like your sister in law is VERY lonely, stalking you is right!!!!!!!!! How can you put up with this??
Gzzz....Well, you know your hormones are off a bit cause your pregant right?
You can pull a psyhco act on her and blame your hormones..LOL
Don't know too many people who could hold back like you have and NOT have a confrontation...What's your sister's take on this????
OK me... I have two older sisters that I'm close with..I would have one of my sisters who doesn't give a $%^&* really come off strong and give her a few words..You don't need this stress with working full time, running a house and
having a baby...You have to say something..Look - you tried being nice and where it has gotten you...The CHICK isn't getting it and YOUR the one worried to cause friction...I feel for you...I am so surprised you haven't exploded yet...

I think the above poster had the right idea about telling her only to call at certain times. If she calls outside the certain times you give her, just tell her it's too early/late, she woke up her brother who has to get to work, etc and that you can't/won't talk now. The first few times you may have to lay it out to her like she's a little child, which I know you don't really want to do, but it may pay off in the long run. I don't think there's any reason to blow up at her or to tell her off or get nasty. This woman obviously has no one who cares about her, and knowing that no one cares about you is a special kind of hurt that few people can really understand. The more she knows no one cares, the more she tries to make someone care, and the more obnoxious she gets, etc. it's a vicious circle. Just keep being firm with her. You can simply lay down boundaries and kindly but firmly enforce them without getting nasty to her. But big picture reality check, you have a good job, a nice home, a loving husband, and blessed little angel on the way, which is a hell of a lot more than some people will ever get in this world. If an annoying sister in law is one thorn in all those roses, does it really have to be so unbearable? I'll be honest with you, as a single/childless woman in my late 30's, I'd give my right arm to have your problem.

Poor woman! She obviously has no self-esteem whatsoever! She's one of those people who tries so hard to have friends she pushes everyone away. I think you are just going to have to tell her that you have your own life and really can't deal with her needs. You might suggest that she relaxes a bit and that people would be more comfortable around her and want to spend more time with her if she wasn't so demanding of their time and didn't try so hard to be liked. Or you might just have to hurt her feelings and tell her that you don't want any kind of relationship with her. I wonder if anybody has come out and told her the truth before. It may hurt her now, but help her in the long run. Good luck!

The best approach is this. Tell her that you really appreciate her input and for being so 'involved' with the forthcoming birth. Tell her "i'm sure you can appreciate that my hormones are all over the place right now, I'm really busy and of course tired...BUT if ever I need anything I KNOW I can come to you. But if you don't hear from me, it's not because I don't care or have forgotten about you, it's because I probably have something going on or am sleeping".

I tell you this much, you'll be grateful for her once your baby is born and you feel like a rest because then you can call on her.

As an inlaw goes, she doesn't sound too bad. She just wants to be involved. Babies aren't always babies and trust me, one day you will be glad she took an interest....instant babysitter - within the family, who can be trusted.