* serious help needed*

I learned a long time ago that worrying never solves anything. My advice is to just stop worrying and forget all about your ex. Easier said than done I imagine. I've never been through anything like that, and I can't imagine how terrible it was. Sorry that there is no easy solution. Its up to you to get over it. Just stop worrying. Everyday, try to get a little better. As soon as you start to think about your ex, stop immediately and start thinking of something that is good in your life. Say your prayers, Jesus will help you.

Hi. I also suffer nightmares about an abusive ex, although not so much anymore. It will get better over time and the nightmares should decrease. My abusive relationship ended over 15 years ago and I don't have nightmares anymore unless something reminds me of what happened to me (for example, when the whole OJ & Nichole Brown Simpson thing happened the nightmares started back up again for a while). My husband knows about my past situation, although I don't think he really understands what I went through or how scarred it left me. I don't talk to him about it too much anymore for a few reasons. First off, after all this time it has become a private issue for me. I've dealt with my anger and fear and whatever is left of those feelings are simply things that I will have to live with. Another reason I don't talk to my husband about it too much is that he can't poosibly understand it totally. And finally, it makes him uncomfortable to hear me talk about how I was hurt. It makes him feel bad because there is nothing he can do to make it better for me....because there was no way he could have protected me. It makes him angry to think about it.

Now, if I have a nightmare that wakes him up, or if I wake up so scared that I need comforting, I'll tell him what it was about...no need to lie about it. But if it doesn't wake him up and I don't feel the need to talk about it then I'll just snuggle up to him and go back to sleep.

I'm assuming that your "bad" relationship was much more recent than mine and that you may not have really recovered from it yet. It will take time. If you feel that you can handle your feelings, for the most part, on your own then it may not be a good idea to burden your husband with the details of your bad dreams. But honestly, each relationship is different and no one can really tell you how to handle yours.

Good luck....the worst is over.

Like the lady said, no reason to lie about it.

It might not hurt to point out to him that you are worried. Maybe he can help you feel better by reassuring you.

If he knows the whole story, from the way you make it sound, it would be pretty absurd of him to think you still loved your ex after all that, and that nightmares mean you still care about him.

It sounds ludicrous. Try your best not to worry about it, and to relax. The more you worry about how your husband feels, the less likely the nightmares are to get better, because your husband can be an important cornerstone in making you feel safe with a man again.

Thanks,
You guys for all the replies. I am thinking about seeing a psychiatrist, maybe that will help.
I certainly help so.
Katelin

[This message has been edited by Katelinrose28 (edited 12-18-2002).]

I forgot to ask thinking about being hypnotised to forget the whole ordeal think it will help?


Katelin

Hi again. Well, I am no phychiatrist but I personally don't think being hypnotised is the answer. Getting some counseling or therapy is probably a good idea, though. You need to learn to deal with what happened to you, to accept it and learn how to live with it and maybe even learn from it, and to move on with your life. I don't really think you shoul repress it with hypnotism.

Thanks ^Lady

I knew it was a little extrem but I will do anything to get rid of those nightmares. I mean I will wake up in a cold sweat, When I go out I am constantly searching crowds just to make sure no one is watching me and when i go home to visit family I go straight to their homes and no where else. I am tired of living in fear I mean it has been almost 5 years. I started dating him when I was 16 and I decided to get away for good when I was 23 Met my husband when I was almost 24
and married him when I was 25. And after all of that you would think I could forget about things.but I guess I am scarred for life.

Katelin

[This message has been edited by Katelinrose28 (edited 12-23-2002).]