I know I'm going to get killed for asking this...

Hahaha, thats walking on thin ice. I'm sure you've done all you can do in the situation. Politely bringing up health and fitness issues occasionally is about all you can. Unless your wife is really easy going, you won't be able to tell her she still needs to lose more weight. My wife is awesome and she would kill me if I suggested that. A woman's weight has got to be the most sensitive subject in the world.

Its a lot easier for men to lose weight. If you started at the same time and had about the same amount to lose, its going to take her longer. Thats just the way it works. Continue to cook healthy meals and workout, invite her to workout with you and leave it alone.

Mention things offhand -- like how boring it is to work out on your own, and how you'd love to race her on the rec bikes sometime. Join a class -- like Pilates or something, or Judo (oh MAN is judo ever fun) with the two of you. Make it a group activity -- working out at the gym can be such a personal thing.

I've just recently started going to the gym and let me tell you, if you're not totally fitness-obsessed it can sometimes be a big deal to find the energy to get off your arse and go. It's such a personal thing and the motivation has to come from within.

The easiest thing I can recommend is to get really good at cooking vegetarian as that's one of the easiest and cheapest ways to cut a big source of fat out of your diet. Even if you just drop beef and start trimming your pork and chicken, try to cook as low-fat as possible.

Perhaps it is her body image that makes her not want to go and strip down to tight clothes in front of strangers. I'm very thin and extremely pale and wonder sometimes what these big buff athlete-types at my gym think of me, but once she starts feeling that muscle being put on (and greased nicely with plenty of compliments from you about how beautiful she is!) she'll start to feel better about it. In the meantime, do your damnedest to make sure that she doesn't feel like you think she's an ugly shrew http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif if anything, make a cheeky comment about how exercise improves a couples' sex life http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif

Chelle is right, unfortunately men lose body fat more quickly than women. But you should NOT tell her directly that she needs to lose more weight. I have 2 suggestions: 1) Encourage activity together like biking, dance class, martial arts, skating, etc. to increase the amount of exercise in her life, 2) secretly send hints by going to websites for weight loss products and anonymously requesting info to be sent to her e-mail address and also have friends drop comments in conversation about personal/friend/family results from weight loss products. Most important thing is to be patient. If you continue the healthy cooking (without depriving her of treats from time to time), and also increase activity level, she will eventually tone up to your liking. Also remember to compliment her often after workouts as positive reinforcement!!!

I disagree with the second suggeston you made, jane.

I don't think soliciting her for money on some miracle weight-loss cure is going to help.

At least a group activity would help her feel like she's not doing it all alone.

gosh...yep thats a sensitive subject for us gals

i agree with what wrin has said, and i stress telling her how helpful it is for you to have a 'buddy' to work out with

assure her that you love her alot!

find a way to reward yourselves after a hard workout...maybe give each other backrubs or something

hugs ~ angel

i think that keeping yourself in shape, and in good health is a great thing. but did you ever consider that your wife may be happy with herself the way she is? just a thought.

Hyperman:
You are very right! Weight is a very sensitive subject to women. My husband used to be over weight before I met him and ever since he lost all the weight and got into shape he has been a real health nut! I on the other hand have never really been "over" weight, I have always maintained an average weight. Well that I just had our second child I have kept on 15 extra pounds and it has been a year!! He tries to tell me in a nice way to go to the gym, but no matter how he words it, it really strikes a nerve!! I guess I just feel like after two kids he should just be happy with me the way I am and not make me feel like a fat slob!!! If he would just ask me to go with him and work out together I would probably go, rather than he telling me that he will watch the kids so that I can work out. My advise to you is just be sensitive about the way you word things, and compliment her on how she is doing and how good she looks, and she will get there on her own!!!

Ummmmmmmm...... Like bucko...... she's your wife..... so I guess my questions is...... what in the hell does her weight have to do with anything? If marriage to you is all about how your partner looks then what are you going to do when she grows old?

It is a non issue..... or should be.

Good luck to you.
Bruce

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Those who dispense tough love to their children now should be prepared to receive same back from them in 30 years.

Originally posted by mydog8mybrain:
Ummmmmmmm...... Like bucko...... she's your wife..... so I guess my questions is...... what in the hell does her weight have to do with anything? If marriage to you is all about how your partner looks then what are you going to do when she grows old?

It is a non issue..... or should be.

Good luck to you.
Bruce




A person should give some effort into being healthy. No one wants to get married and then have their spouse turn into a fat lazy couch potato.

do let me ask you this monsterbiceps.. what would you do if your wife put on a few extra pounds? and she really didn't want to do anything about it? honestly, would you feel any differently about her? after all..
" no one wants to get married and then have thier spouse turn into a fat lazy couch potato " right?

OOOOOOh boy! Very sensitive subject here! If my husband told me I need to lose weight, he'd probably have a black eye!! I could not agree more that if you love someone you stand by them through THICK and THIN!! I was pretty skinny when my husband and I got together and I have gained quiet a few lbs. since we have been together but he still loves me just the way I am and he tells me that!! If he told me anything other, I would not want him anyway!! If you think that we don't know we have gained weight then your crazy! We are the first ones to notice! Maybe you do not make her feel good in the first place? Does she hide from you when she is dressing or in getting in the shower or things like that? You should look more on what is on the inside! After all we chunky chicks need love too! and if you become a couch potatoe I am sure your wife would love you all the same!!
Good Luck and God Bless!!

you mentioned you like to cook, well cook healthy!!!

Moderation is the key

I would love my wife no matter what, but i want her to eat healthy most of the time and workout on a routine basis. I think everyone in the world should do this, and there is nothing wrong with this attitude. Don't misread what I am typing here. i don't want my wife to be anorexic. I just want her, and everyone else, to put some effort into being healthy. Trust me, we eat plenty of junk food, so she is not deprived of anything. But if you are going to eat a lot, then you have to workout a lot.

I don't think this world was meant to be easy. You weren't sent here to eat as much as you can all the time. Its all about moderation.

I hate to exercise. Maybe your wife does, too?
Maybe it just isn't important to her, or she is busy?
Maybe you could offer to do one of her chores for her, so she would have time to workout?

Maybe you can find something that she hates to do and start doing it for her, ask her to trade something she hates (exercise) for something else she hates, like the dishes.

one thing about relationships, is that you want make the other person happy, without making yourself miserable in the process. this is something that may require some effort on the part of EACH partner.

you may want to talk to your wife and get her to consider the following: By taking care of herself, and putting in a little work at the gym, you will feel more attracted to her because she is taking care of her body for your enjoyment, her enjoyment and for her health too of course!

there's nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to your spouse...afterall - looks ARE one of the things that attracted you to them in the first place, right?

Looks are not everything by ANY means. I've broken up with BEAUTIFUL women who were just too hard to deal with on a day to day basis because they tried to get by too much on their looks and felt they could mistreat peolpe just because they were exceptional looking.

What I suspect you want is for your wife to care about her appearance and make an effort to look good. not only for you, but for herself too. right?

spouses, women AND men, in my opinion - need to recognise that marriage or having children or minor illness does not give them a liscence to abuse their bodies, or let them deteriorate simply because they are too lazy to maintain themselves. some people take care of themselves to "get" a partner, but then when they feel they are "secure enoug" or "entrenched enough" in their relationships, cease to care about their appearance and "let themselves go", yet still expect to be treated the same way as when they put effort into their appearance.

this cannot work. people are attracted to their partners and committ to them in the first place because that person is a "package" - a package that includes personality, sense of humour, looks, sensitivity, confidence, familty values, etc, etc etc.

Ladies - Men - it was that particular balance of the "package" that GOT your partner interested in you in the first place! WHY would you not want to maintain, as much as possible, that special mix of qualities that made your partner fall in love with you in the first place?

I'm not being unrealistic here either. I realise that as people get older, their views on things change, their looks change, and their bodies change. You should realise that you change too. Be prepared for these things. Be reasonable when it comes to your partner's looks - did you honestly expect them to look as "hot" at 45 as they did at 25? You must keep realistic expectations when it comes to your mate's looks, otherwise, you're setting yourself up for dissappointment and malcontent. And everybody has different ideals as to what constitutes the "perfect" body shape. You must be realistic as to what is acceptable. Maybe you're being too idealistic? No offence, but most 45 yr old women do NOT look like supermodels, and can't be expected to. What CAN be expected though is that they try to take care of themselves as much as is reasonably possible, right?

What i'm saying is a person SHOULD make the effort to be as good a person you can be - emotionally, spiritually, AND PHYSICALLY! Your partner will respect you more for TAKING care of yourself, YOU will respect yourself more for taking care of yourself.

By at least making an HONEST effort to take care of one's body, you are showing your mate that you CARE bout how THEY view YOU, and how OTHERS view you.

So talk to your partners, explain that you SO enjoyed that special balance, you SO enjoyed that particular balance of the "package" they presented to you back when, and it would make you feel more positively towards them if they took care of themselves.

if they are lazy and refuse to take care of themselves, then they shouldn't be surprised when you feel less attracted to them, and ultimately less interested in them.

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"tejas klallam" is tribal for: "friendly strong person"

As someone else said, try to do some activity together. Many people hate to go to the gym, so how about doing some sport together like tennis and voley?

Also, I think it is a good idea to go to the grocery store together and pick up healthy foods like fruits and vegetables and avoid sweets and fattening foods in front of her. Maybe she'll learn from you.

It really is a sensitive topic but I'd be concerned too if I were in your shoes.