Im confused

Hi Jasmine,
I've been reading some of your posts. Sounds to me like your totally head over heals in love w/ this guy. First off how old are you and he?
Why would he be engaged to a girl who is 8 yrs younger? Doesn't call or write to him? It sounds like she doesn't even care about him. when you are going to be married, you want to spend and call as much time as possible w/ that person.
Have U ever told him how you feel about him? And is this guy your EX? I remember you said you called off your wedding? Was that to someone else?
What I would do is have him come up in Feburary and try to tell him everything that You feel. You only live once, and if he shuts you down, then fine you are hurt and you at least know that it could never happen. I mean its worth a try. But from your posts it sounds like your totally in love w/ this guy, and if you don't give it a shot then I think U would regret it for the rest of your life. Write more later.
God bless.

Hi Ravekane,
I love this man with every breath I take.We are both 30..Iam 34 days older.He met this girl this summer and when he met her she told him she didnt have a problem marrying him so he told her he didnt have a problem marrying her.She knows all about me so Iam assuming its a tactic to keep her claws in him to prevent me from having him in my life.He told me her parents were awfully pushy about marriage and he also told me he didnt know if the decision he made was from the heart or the circumstances at the time.Yes when you are marrying someone esp if its LDR BOTH must meet in the middle.YES I have told him how I feel about him.Yes he is my ex..I recently called off my wedding to another man I had been seeing.Im certain he will come to the States in February because he has a niece going to school not very far from me.Thats just it though Ravekane,I dont think he will shut me down.He told me months ago even before I was engaged that if he were to come see me he had a hard time saying no and would be in a predicament if we hit it off well again.Its almost like he is hesitating breaking off his engagement to this gal for fear it will hurt her.Well its better than being miserable!!We have so much in common,we laugh,we've cried..We enjoy each other immensily..When OR if he comes in Feb I plan to tell him how I feel and show him how I feel.He knows I broke off my engagement and told me I made a very wise choice..Thank you for your wonderful advice..Will keep you posted..

God bless,
Jasmine

Hi Jasmine,

Sounds like your a mess without him in your life. Have you ever dated this guy?
It was wise to call off your engagment to the other man, cuz sounds like your heart wasn't at the right place at the right time.

I have been in your sitution before where the other girl just wanted to have my man to piss me off, not to say she didn't care but she wanted a "competition" I think that's kind of lame, but some girls are like that, they don't want the guy but they would die if they lost the battle. Well in my situtaion my ex chose the other girl over me, and what happend was he ended up marrying her and 2 yrs later getting divorced cuz he knew she didn't love him. Well he came back and called me telling me he made an aweful decision and that he wished we could work things out. Well didn't happen cuz i didn't want someoen like that anymore. He hurt me tremendously, and I coudln't forgive him for what he did.
OH well back toyour senerio. So he med this girl this summer and is already thinking of marrying her? Sounds fishy to me. I mean this girl isn't even making an effort and she knows you like him. That's what makes me upset about your situation. Is she pretty? or have a good heart? I mean she has her claws into him for some reason. And he seems to care for her, but what you want and what you need are 2 differernt things. You knwo what I mean? Write back.

Hi Ravekane,
YES Iam a total mess without him!!I think it was a wise move to call off my engagement,I would have been miserable in the long run.I couldnt marry him for so many reasons including the love I have for my ex.Im sorry to hear you have faced this too,it hurts more than anything.See my ex(the guy I love)has known this gal for 2 years.Back in Feb-March of this year she stops all communication with him,then a month or two later goes back to him.He told her all about me so without a doubt in my mind she is holding on so I wont have another chance with him.She is at the age that she sees me as competition.I realize I cant stop him from marrying her,but I will darn sure try!I dont want to see the same thing happen to him that happened to you and your ex.His Birthday was a few days ago and I have this feeling she didnt ackowledge it.I sent him an ecard,I called him and have a pkg Im sending via mail.Also at this time he has a sick relative so Ive been spending alot of time with him.I truly hope he can see what this gal is doing.Yes he met her for the first time this summer and first time he met her she told him she didnt have a problem marrying him.Now isnt that a heckava marriage proposal?She is short,has shoulder length black hair,a very chubby gal.I believe there are two reasons she has her claws in him 1)Because she knows I love him 2)Because he has a dang good job.Ya know I really dont think he loves her as much as he lets on.I have this gut feelin.If he loved her then why spend biggest part of his time with me?

Wow Jasmine,
That is really messed up> I mean he met her once and said that. She sounds really immature and that she only likes him cuz he's got a good job. I think that if he "truly" loved her that he would be NOT talking w/ you anymore and going to see you in February. That is just my feelings. But there has to be a piece of "like" or "love there w/ you, cuz he would definalty NOT talk to you anymore.
Its nice that your visiting his uncle, and giving him presents for Bday. That is showing him that YOU really care which is more than the bimbo is doing. HOlidays and Birthdays are great times to show someone howmuch you love them.

MY Ex didn't talk to me when he had a g/f or wife, he cut all ties, she forbid him to. YEs this was really realy hard on me, but hey that's the way life goes. She was a ***** to him, and we did catch up like I said 2 yrs later, after he realized he made such a mistake, but it was too late. He told me all the nasty things that she planeted into his head about me, (mind you i didn't even know her never met her). She just was a total loser. But hey he had something good w/ me and let it go and then got married and found out it wasn't what he wanted. Its his loss. I am single, 25 yrs old don't have a man in my life, but the way I see my EX is that it took me 2 long years to get over him and when I did I found out that I had a lot more in life than HIM.

I hope this doesn't happen to you and the guy. I mean Like I said before when YOU love someone then you always want to be w/ them and around them. Sounds to me likes shes a child and playing games w/ him. 8 yrs is a huge age difference since you are 30 and she must be what 22? Where is she from? Well you can write anytime, and I'll try to help you thru this.

Marci

I forgot how are you dealing w/ EX fiancee? is he ok also.?

I hate to sound like a party pooper, but all you're gonna do is look bad if you try to step in here.

If he's the kind of intelligent guy you want to be with for the rest of your life and this girl is really no good for him, he'll figure it out, and there isn't much that you can really do to help him out in that aspect. Maintain a friendship with him, a close one, but make sure it stays PLATONIC. It's capitalized for a reason. Last thing she needs if he breaks up with her is the excuse that you "stole him away from her".

I do agree with what wrin has said but then again I also think you have to give it a shot, Jasmine. You just have to do it delicately somehow. Sounds like his relationship with his fiance is exactly the same as the one you had with yours! Boy you DO have a lot in common. And you are glad you called that wedding off in the end, aren't you.

If this girl doesn't see much of him anyway, how would she find out that you took him away from her? When he breaks up with her he doesn't have to tell her that. He is in a different country to Jasmine so how could she suspect that? He can just say the long distance thing isn't working out which is a pretty good reason. This girl's heart's not really in it anyway by the sounds of things. She may even be relieved.

But Jasmine, even if you get back together and he does break it off with her, you have to consider that this guy, just like your last, is a long distance relationship. The problems that arose in your relationship with your fiance had a lot to do with being so far away from one another so history could end up repeating itself, leaving you hurt, frustrated and alone, again. Will he move back to the US to be with you? Will you move overseas to be with him? That's something you have to consider here.

I don't think long distance relationships suit you because you need a lot of loving and reassurance, and a long distance relationship will not meet that need as well as a normal relationship would.

Hi Ravekane,
Yes she is immature.She told him he was her first boyfriend and that she's a virgin..Yeah we've heard this before!Since she lives on campus,Im sure it makes her feel special having an older boyfriend that lives in another Country.He emails me daily,he goes into a chat that I go into,he calls me occ..He feels comfortable with me,he can relax and be open talking to me about anything.If I call him he laughs and I can sense big smiles across his face.He blows me kisses before we hang up.Yup 8 years is a big differance and he is having to wait 2-4 years before he can marry her.He knows its not going to work,he realizes LDR takes both to make it work.Its just a matter of him breaking away..

Wrin,
Thanks for your advice.Im not stepping in because we've stayed as friends.Slowly but surely he is figuring out that she isnt for him.

Hi Chinchilla,
He knows Iam here anytime he needs me.If he needs to talk he knows Im here to listen.If he wants to act goofy and laugh,he knows Im here to act goofy and laugh..YES their relationship is almost the same as mine and my ex!Maybe my ex and his Fiance can meet up!HA http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Hell yeah Im glad I called the wedding off.The gal wouldnt know I took him away from her UNLESS of course he tells her.He already knows that LDR's are hard and is fully aware that theirs is one sided.If he breaks it off with her and we get back together,I think he would quit his job and move here with me.He is miserable there where he is and needs a change,he has told me many times.He can't move there where she is because she is still in school and lives on campus.Maybe he will figure it out..

No problem Jasmine. It's true, though, isn't it; if he can't figure out that she's no good for him, he's not good enough for you, then.

I'm not sure I like this long-distance-relationship thing either now that I'm remembering it's involved (LOL) ... so maybe it would be a good idea to look around in town before you start setting up shop out of country.

Hi Wrin,
Well he's finally coming to his senses that this gal isn't what she's cracked up to be..I just hope he dont go and do something silly..I worry so much about him..